What Does the Bible Say About Dealing With Difficult Family Members
Non sure how to bargain with toxic family members Biblically? Don't let them slowly drive you insane. Here's what the Bible says most cutting people out of your life.
Are you lot struggling to figure out how to deal with toxic family members Biblically?
Mayhap y'all've been wondering, "What does the Bible say about cut people out of your life?" and now you're looking up Bible verses about toxic family or Bible verses about toxic relationships in general.
Mayhap you aren't fifty-fifty certain if you are dealing with toxic family unit members or if your family unit is simply abrasive.
You know you lot want to be a good Christian and do the correct thing, but it seems like no affair how much you lot honey, forgive and turn the other cheek, the mistreatment never stops — but gets worse.
The situation is completely unhealthy, everyone involved is miserable, and nothing is working, no matter how much y'all attempt.
You desire to be kind, simply they're driving you crazy, and you're not sure what to do.
And then now y'all're wondering, "What does the Bible say about dealing with toxic relationships?"
The proficient news is, if you have toxic people in your life or yous are in a toxic relationship, you are not alone!
In fact, I had a sugariness reader ask me how to deal with toxic family members Biblically not that long ago, and I thought you might benefit from hearing my respond to her too.
Later all, as Christians, we don't only want to get off on our loved ones or answer in acrimony and hurt. Y'all don't want to start cutting people out of your life or cut ties with toxic family unit members or friends for no reason.
We desire to know how to deal with toxic family members Biblically and so nosotros tin can use these Bible'due south wisdom to guide our actions.
And so with that in mind, hither's my best advice on how to respond to toxic family members Biblically. I hope information technology helps.
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Reader Question: How Exercise I Deal With Toxic Family Members Biblically?
My relationship with my family isn't a salubrious one. Both my parents and my siblings clearly favor my sister and her kids over me and mine, and it hurts me and my kids the mode this favoritism is displayed.
For example, they don't visit me unless they need favors and they brush my concerns aside when I attempt to share how their actions brand me experience. My feelings are minimized, dismissed and discarded. It's hurtful.
Fifty-fifty my kids are aware of this blatant favoritism. They ask questions almost why their cousins go more attention, etc, and it breaks my middle.
I want to remain respectful to my parents and siblings, yet this has been happening for over five years now with no signs of remorse, and I don't know how to make them understand how hurtful their actions are to me and my children.
How can I handle this without going against God's words or teachings? What does the Bible say about cut people out of your life?
First of all, I'yard distressing you lot are dealing with this.
BUT I do think it's cracking that you're asking, "What does the Bible say most toxic family members?" rather than just lashing out in response to your hurt feelings.
In this post, I'm going to share my best step-by-step advice for learning how to bargain with toxic family members Biblically.
But before we get in that location, permit's start by identifying the signs of a toxic relationship.
Related: How to prepare Biblical Boundaries as a Christian
Signs of a Toxic Relationship
You may be wondering, "Am I in a toxic relationship with my family?" Or, "Is my sister a toxic person?"
Permit's plough to the Bible for an answer.
The Bible describes what love is supposed to await like in 1 Corinthians 13:iv-vii. It says:
" Dearest is patient, honey is kind. Information technology does not envy, it does non avowal, it is non proud. Information technology does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, information technology is not easily angered, information technology keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It e'er protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
Now, if nosotros take the opposite of ane Corinthians 13:4-7, what do nosotros see?
We see several signs of a toxic person or signs of a toxic relationship:
-
- Lacks patience
- Is verbally and/or physically abusive
- Acts jealous over every little thing
- Boasts excessively
- Is excessively prideful
- Dishonors others
- Is self-seeking
- Reminds others of past mistakes
- Delights in your hurting or suffering
- Neglects or refuses to protect or defend yous
- Refuses to trust
- Lacks hope
- Gives up easily
If your friends and family members are only annoying, it's probably best to give them grace and endeavour to overlook their faults, if speaking with them doesn't assistance.
If y'all read these signs of a toxic relationships, still, and thought, "Yes. I definitely have toxic family members," and then this commodity on how to deal with toxic family members Biblically is definitely for you.
What Does The Bible Say Well-nigh Toxic Family unit Members?
And so now that nosotros've identified the signs of a toxic relationship, what should nosotros do nigh it? Practise we take to "play nice" considering they're family unit, or is cut people out of your life always okay? What does the Bible say about cutting ties with family?
Let'southward take a wait.
Equally Christians, many of us are aware of these Bible verses:
"Just to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, practise skilful to those who hate you, bless those who expletive you, pray for those who mistreat you lot. If someone slaps you on i cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do non need information technology back. Do to others every bit y'all would take them practise to you lot." — Luke half dozen:27-31
And yes, we absolutely should honey our enemies. But I retrieve sometimes we forget what dear really means.
Loving someone well does not mean always playing "nice," always beingness the peacemaker, or only letting other people walk all over yous. This isn't love–it's called enabling.
A better definition of beloved would be: honoring the true nobility of another person, acknowledging their inherent worth as human beings, created and loved past God, and doing everything in your ability to practise practiced for them and to human action in their best interest.
Yes, it absolutely can include being "kind" (see ane Cor. xiii:iv once more), but information technology's so much more that. And in fact, if y'all really examine the way Jesus behaves in the Gospels, his deportment aren't always what we consider "squeamish."
When a Canaanite woman asks Jesus for his assistance in Matthew 15:26, "He replied, 'Information technology is not correct to accept the children's bread and toss it to the dogs.'"
Jesus tells the Pharisees, "You lot brood of vipers, how tin you who are evil say anything good? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of" in Matthew 12:34.
And let's not forget how "Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves" in Matthew 21:12.
Now, I wouldn't actually recommend you calling your in-laws dogs or vipers or flipping their tables! My point here is ONLY that the Bible does not teach united states that we demand to exist super polite, at-home and passive to the point of being walked over and enabling others in their sins.
In fact, Jesus instructs the apostles to "go out that habitation or town and shake the dust off your feet" in Matthew 10:14 and to "treat [unrepentant sinners] as yous would a pagan or a tax collector" in Matthew eighteen:17.
Jesus's plan for our lives isn't to make united states "dainty." It's to make united states (and our loved ones) holy. Sometimes that means treating others kindly. But other times that ways protecting ourselves and our families instead of protecting the feelings of others who insist on pursuing sinful attitudes or behaviors.
See also: Yes, Christians Should Judge
How to Bargain With Toxic Family Members Biblically
Then since the Bible doesn't teach u.s. to be passive doormats, how should nosotros deal with toxic family members Biblically?
Here'southward what I would advise:
1. Assess the Situation Honestly
Toxic family unit members are annoying. And so information technology only makes sense that you might get worked up when your friends and family members start showing the signs of a toxic person or you first noticing the many signs of a toxic relationship.
Before yous get too worked up, though, take a step dorsum and assess the situation honestly:
- Is the other person actually toxic, or simply abrasive, thoughtless, etc?
- Is the problem serious plenty to warrant action, or can yous simply overlook it for the sake of family unity?
- Are you certain the other person'south deportment are intentional, not simply perceived?
- What type of consequence is the beliefs having on yous and your family unit?
- What have you washed to remedy the situation in the by, if anything?
- Take you actually told the other person how you are feeling, and what you'd like to modify?
- Are things getting better, staying the same, or getting worse?
In the best-example scenario: you may realize that the other political party truly didn't mean to injure you and that they were unaware that their behavior was coming across so hurtful. If this is the instance, then you may simply need to accept a conversation.
Alternately, if the behavior is purposeful but small plenty in nature, you may simply be able to ignore information technology or avert the situation when possible. Life isn't perfect and people are annoying, and sometimes we merely accept to deal with annoying people.
Yep, there are absolutely times when you may need to take activity (there are times when cutting people out of your life is the correct selection to make), simply permit's not leap in that location quite yet.
Tin can the beliefs simply be resolved or overlooked? If so (and the state of affairs isn't serious), then start here.
2. Take Responsibility for Any Wrongdoing on Your Office
Next, let's accept a infinitesimal to look at yourself and any role y'all may have played in the issue: Take you done anything to make the situation worse? Or failed to do something to make the situation better?
While the state of affairs may non be ultimately "your fault" (especially in cases of outright corruption), once we achieve adulthood, each of u.s. is responsible for and accountable for our ain actions.
And this is skilful news! Because information technology means that you lot have the power and ability to choose different deportment, and to improve your situation.
It'south time to get honest with yourself.
- Have you said or washed anything hurtful to the other person? (even unintentionally!)
- Have you ever failed to treat them as kindly or every bit respectfully equally you should take?
- Have you ever been selfish, cocky-centered or mean-spirited?
Again, I'm not saying the mistreatment is your mistake. Simply if y'all have done (or proceed to do) things that hurt the other party, they may exist acting out of that hurt. And a heartfelt amends for any wrongdoings on your office may be simply what the other person needs to heal.
You aren't responsible for them, but you are responsible and accountable for Y'all — no matter what they've done to "deserve it."
iii. Set Salubrious, Biblical Boundaries With Family
Next, in one case you've gotten honest almost the state of affairs and the role you may have played in it, it'southward time to fix some Biblical boundaries with family unit members and friends who may need them.
What behaviors volition you take? Which behaviors will you not accept? Where is the boundary?
When yous are dealing with people and situations who are truly toxic, manipulative, crazy or fifty-fifty abusive, it tin can really make you question your sanity and your decision making! You desire to practise the right matter, only yous may question what the right thing is or what requests are reasonable. It can be difficult to tell.
That'southward where Boundaries does a groovy job of laying out a Biblical framework to help yous understand what truly is your responsibility, what requests are unreasonable, where you should draw the line, and how you tin exercise and so without guilt.
You lot tin find Boundaries at your local library or on Amazon hither.
Here's the advice I gave the reader above:
Personally, I would explicate, incredibly politely, that while you love them, you cannot let them to continue to hurt yous and your children in this fashion.
(If you even desire to explain at all. I mean, you lot've had this conversation several times now. I don't know if it is necessary to say anything else.)
I would be careful to be equally unemotional, straightforward and polite as possible, to avoid saying annihilation that could exist taken as accusatory, and to but speak out of your concern for the children.
For example, "We've spoken with you several times about how we feel as though you favor the other family over united states. This has really injure united states of america and our family, every bit we want to have a relationship with you too, just it never seems to happen. Unfortunately, I cannot allow my children to have their hopes upwardly and be so disappointed every time. For this reason, we will not be spending as much time with you" etc etc in your own words.
And so, if they telephone call, you're decorated or cannot aid them out at this time.
(Which is truthful–you are busy… doing anything else other than existence mistreated by toxic family members… even if that's only washing the dishes or playing with the kids. That counts as busy.)
Then what exercise healthy, biblical boundaries with family unit wait like for you?
Do you demand to limit visits or restrict your visits to a certain format? (For example, maybe you lot are happy to phone call on the phone, but y'all can no longer visit in person.)
Do y'all need to set up the boundary that you can but visit X times a year, that you tin can merely give X dollars a calendar month, or that you lot volition merely continue to exist around them simply as long as the conversation remains good for you and polite.
Seek wise counsel from friends and family you trust to brand certain your boundaries are reasonable, let the other party know what your boundaries are, and and so stick to them.
There'due south no need to feel guilty. The Bible encourages you to set Biblical boundaries with family where necessary.
(And if you still feel guilty, read the Boundaries volume. It will assist you figure out how to deal with toxic family members Biblically without feeling then guilty near it!)
four. Stick to Your Boundaries!
One time you've ready your boundaries and told your friends and family members where they are — this is the difficult part. You have to stick to the boundaries you've set up!
I know, learning how to deal with toxic family members Biblically isn't easy… Information technology takes fourth dimension and practice, and you won't get it all right the showtime time, but stick with information technology.
Considering if you're continually "bending the rules," your family will just larn that your "rules" aren't really rules at all.
Seek Godly counsel, make up one's mind (through prayer) where your boundaries should exist, and and then stick to them!
v. Pray!
Sometimes the near loving thing yous tin do in a relationship is simply to pray for the other person.
This is why God commands us, "But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate yous, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you " in Luke 6:27-28.
Pray that God would heal their hurt, that he would open their eyes to their behavior, and that your human relationship could be restored.
Pray that God would help y'all love your toxic family members more, and that He would requite yous wisdom to deal with them wisely.
God will help you learn how to answer to toxic family unit members — you simply take to inquire!
vi. Forgive
Now, I know yous may feel very angry or resentful towards the toxic family members and friends who accept hurt you and ruined your relationships, but the Bible is clear: We have to forgive, even when we don't feel like it.
We see this in Marker eleven:25, which says, "And when y'all stand up praying, if you hold anything confronting anyone, forgive them, then that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins."
Delight understand, though: Forgiving someone doesn't mean that what they did is okay or that they shouldn't receive any consequences for their action.
You can even so set Biblical boundaries and plow an abuser in to the government if needed.
Just we have a responsibility to forgive others (even and especially our enemies) if we want God to forgive us besides.
Related Reading: Four Things Every Christian Needs to Know Virtually Forgiveness
7. Close the Door
So far in this commodity, I've tried to assist you reply the following questions:
- Am I in a toxic relationship?
- What are the signs of a toxic person / signs of a toxic relationship?
- What does the Bible say almost toxic family members / how to deal with toxic family members Biblically?
If y'all accept done all of the in a higher place to the best of your power, and then it may be time for you to enquire the last question: "What does the Bible say about cutting ties with family / cutting people out of your life?"
The truth is: While information technology would be crawly if we could all get forth, the truth is that we practice take free will, and some people choose to use theirs in a fashion that interferes with God's best for our lives.
And when this happens, we don't have to stay stuck in toxic, abusive relationships.
God walks away from stubborn, sinful people at times (Romans 1:24-28). Jesus had times where he walked away (Matthew 12:34). And we have the Biblical right to walk away too.
God opens doors, but we ofttimes forget that he closes them, likewise.
Sometimes, as unfortunate every bit information technology is, when there is goose egg more than nosotros can practice, we demand to only step back and let GOD deal with it in a way that but He can. And that's okay.
Have you lot ever had to deal with toxic family members Biblically (or friends)? What helpful advice would you offer to our anonymous reader on how to deal with toxic family unit members Biblically?
Source: https://equippinggodlywomen.com/community/reader-question-respond-toxic-family-members/
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